Well I finally broke down this weekend and made some time to take my son to see Grindhouse. This return to the double-feature of the seventies has been one of the most hyped films of the year – aside from that same damn Spiderman 3 trailer I keep seeing. Grindhouse is a double feature complete with fake movie trailers and commercials with the first movie being Planet Terror by director Robert Rodriguez, and the second of the double-bill being Death Proof by Quentin Tarantino. In total I must say it was a fun reminder of cinema from yesteryear – especially the fake missing reels and simulated film wear. There’s alot I liked about Grindhouse and I can name these things easy – Planet Terror and the everything but around 60% of Death Proof. As far as zombie movies go Planet Terror delivered every cliche in the book and that’s what was so great about it. Rodriguez was and is a fan of those Motel Hellish movies and it shows in his half of the double. Lots of fun if you happen to love those shock- horror-sexploitation films.
And now we get to Death Proof. Damn I always loved those Kurt Russels films like Escape from New York and Big Trouble in Little China and Russel delivers the goods as Stuntman Mike. It’s just too bad Tanatino didn’t let him cary the show. In typical Tarantino style he lets his characters lapse into prolonged and vomitous bits of inane dialogue that do nothing to move the story. There’s this huge buildup to the first murders we get to see from Stuntman Mike, and then we have to go through an even longer buildup to the second time we see the death-proof-mussel-car driving madman in action. Too many long-winded bull sessions, Tarantino trademarks, fill this movie and I found myself wishing I had to take a leak just to get out of the theater. Like I said – around 60% of this part of Grindhouse could have been left on the cutting room floor and the movie would have been greatly improved. I kept hoping for the brutal deaths of most of the charaters just so they’d shutup.
Finally, I found it really sad to see all those great cars smashed to hell and back. I just had to get that out. You know Quentin, they’re not making any new 1969 Chevy Novas or 1969 Dodge Chargers. I read that you bought these classics under pretense of using them in a movie, which you did, but didn’t tell the former owners you were going to destroy them. Yeah, the crashes were pretty cool, but I did feel a wee bit of grief watching these beauties – not the women who got slashed – end up fodder for the junkman.
So here’s my suggestion Strange Readers – see Grindhouse, watch the trailers for such fake films as Werewolf women of the SS and Thanksgiving, watch Planet Terror, drink lots of Coke and hit the head for the first twenty minutes of Death Proof, watch the cool car killing scene, go take a crap and get a refill on your popcorn and then watch the climax of the second half. Then go home and quote the best parts of the movie and pretend that you didn’t walk away feeling like you just watched Kill Bill volume 2
Test it out