Getting the Kramps While Kung Fu Fighting

Did you ever get the feeling you were missing out on something? You know that nagging little feeling that everyone has been invited to a party but you, and they’re being real careful not to tell you about it in case you might show up. Alright, maybe not all of you out there were losers like me, but today’s post includes a lovely little Christmas tradition from Europe that we Americans are missing out on. Yes, I know this is a Halloween blog, but bare with me a bit. Before I get to that let me spend a moment paying respects to something that may not necessarily be Halloween and Horror, but still deserves noting. On this day, December 5th, in 1974 Monty Python’s Flying Circus aired its last new episode. No more lumberjack songs or dead parrot skits done in sometimes unintelligible British accents. Thank goodness for reruns however, and the string of movies including The Holy Grail, The Life of Brian, and the Meaning of Life. A moment of silence please folks . . . . and, - now for something completely different.

Here’s a Christmas tradition that Halloween and horror fans like us could really sink our fangs into, and I’m darn PO’d that this lovely bit a holiday cheer hasn’t ingrained itself into our American traditions. Today, December 5th, through tomorrow is, depending on where you might be, generally celebrated as the Feast of St. Nikolaus. For instance in Germany many children put out a boot, called a Nikolaus-Stiefel, near their front door on the night of December 5 to December 6 for old Nik to fill it full of candy. I wonder if this where the term booty comes from? Hmmmm - oh, sorry - I digress. Also, on this date some towns have what are called Krampus runs. This is where it gets dark and the fun begins.

Every great hero needs a nemesis. Jesus and Satan. Superman and Lex Luthor. Sherlock Holmes and Moriarty. Ash and Evil Ash. And, of course, Santa has his Krampus. The Krampus, like Santa Claus himself, is a compilation of Christian figures and Pagan deities who is, depending once again where one is, either St. Nik’s enemy or his helper. Weird, eh? Where St. Nik rewards children for being good, typically the Krampus is the guy carrying the big gnarly switch of punishment. The tradition is mostly Austrian, although it spread spottily around Europe. There are two sides on the Krampus, one being a secular humanist approach and the other being a magic tradition angle. It’s said that if you put to Austrian’s in a room there will be blood spilled over which way of thinking is correct. In the secular humanist approach the Krampus carries the switch, and in the magical tradition he’s a minion of Santa accompanying him to visit children. This most likely is where the whole “elf” thing came about, but the Krampus hardly resembles a the cherubic figures in a Rankin-Bass production and probably never wanted to be a dentist. Of course scholars of history disagree so don’t write me emails if your particular Krampus tradition varies.

I want to be a Krampus.

Sometimes he’s known as Knecht Ruprecht and is the servant of the Christ Child. In Bavaria he’s called Klaubauf and is shaggy with horns. In Austria he’s got horns but also is covered in bells, and drags chains, which even in some modern celebrations, he beats the bad children with. Sounds like party time to me. On December 5th all around Salzburg, Austria there are Krampus runs where parades featuring St. Nikolaus and his buddy the Krampus abound. This custom has nothing to do with spirits or driving out winter; rather it deals primarily with good upbringing and conduct. Well-behaved children are rewarded and naughty ones get put in the sack and taken away by the Krampus. There are even Krampus conventions like this one that cropped up here in the states.

Ironically last year old Kris Kringle was banned from visiting kindergartens in Vienna because he could scare the children. This year the Krampus may get it too. Funny how the good guy was considered the bigger threat to the peaceful sleep of children that the horned hairy guy who beats kids with chains after tossing them in a sack. For further Krampus fun check here and here and this one for an . . . ahem, interesting take on the Krampus for Adults only.

Now for you fans of Talk Like a Pirate Day we present The Day of the Ninja. Yes, December 5th is here and it’s indeed a special day when we can all come together, tie a t-shirt around our heads, and be ninjas. While there is some controversy between pirates and ninjas - especially when it comes to cleanliness and accessorizing, I say celebrate both. Run wild in the streets and dress in black at work tossing smoke bombs around. Just do it quietly while hidden behind the office ficus tree, and show the world what a ninja really is.

December 5th, 2007